Colocation America Reviews: Time Periods

1950s america
07.22.16
Albert

Chris

Dust off your powdered wigs, leather dusters, and gaudy Renaissance wear, we’re talking time periods today!

Samantha

Can I start of by saying that the Renaissance Faire in Los Angeles is my favorite thing to go to?

renaissance faire los angeles

Photo Credit: momsla.com

Chris

Yes, you can. I still have not gone, but desperately want to go

Samantha

You are missing out – beer, costumes, and food

Chris

Beer, costumes and food is what my Saturday’s already consist of. Let’s start here: what’s your favorite time period?

Q.C.

Cretaceous period is the best period because of my main man Tyrannosaurus Rex. What can be better than giant lizards running around?

Chris

Not many things

Q.C.

And it’s awesome

Chris

Well, “giant lizards” are debatable

Q.C.

Giant bird-like, lizard things

Chris

Feathery iguanas

Samantha

Can we back up and clarify what we consider a “time period”?

Chris

Sure. What would you like to define as a time period?

Q.C.

I would define it as anything with a beginning date and an ending date

Chris

Yeah, the feathery iguana time period from 1955-1973

Samantha

Well then my favorite time period includes some of Chris’ feathery iguana time period. I dug the American 50s

the fifties in america

Photo Credit: kaisercarart.com

Q.C.

Love the American stipulation.

Chris

Yeah, what about the Spanish 1950’s?

Samantha

Nope

Chris

BARCELONA BE POPPIN IN ’57

Samantha

It’s like saying you loved the time of the pyramids, but if you were a slave, it would have sucked!

Q.C.

Ummmm…So about 1950s America….

Chris

Yeah, Sam….

Samantha

It’s a cultural thing, haha

Chris

Woah, ok.

Samantha

And there we go, you guys always take things out of context.

Q.C.

It was going to happen eventually

Samantha

You are talking about the wrong American time period

Q.C.

The 1950s were no cake walk for some cultures, though

Chris

One day we’re going to do the “Worst of CLA Reviews” and it’s just going to be a conversation full of assorted horrible remarks about various cultures.

Q.C.

I’d read it.

Chris

Ok, what do you like about the American 1950s, Sam?

Samantha

Ok – you know the movie Pleasantville? I am imaging that one

Q.C.

Yes! I love that movie!

Chris

Yeah, the one with all the white people

Samantha

I knew you were going to go there. This is all going bad haha

Q.C.

Oh man, you know what bothered me about that movie?

Samantha

What?

Q.C.

That the sister decided to stay there. Why would she do that!?

Samantha

RIGHT?! Reese, what were you thinking?

Q.C.

I loved every other part of that movie besides that!

Samantha

Very true

Q.C.

That was clearly Reese Withoutherspoon and not Reese Witherspoon, because that b****h be trippin’

Chris

HEYOOOOO!

Samantha

Aww, but she is so good in Sweet Home Alabama

Chris

Not many people know this, but the entirety of the 1950s was in black and white. The world was without color until 1960

Q.C.

Ah yes, on the 8th day God created technicolor. The Good Book was written prematurely. He wasn’t finished yet. Simply resting.

Samantha

Maybe that is where she went…

Chris

Ok, Sam, in all seriousness, what is appealing to you about the American 1950s?

Samantha

Honestly, my sociological background is making me say the culture. People where fighting for their community and themselves–at the same time, it was a time of happiness and prosperity

Chris

So you liked it because it was a period of societal change?

Samantha

Yeah!

Q.C.

Well, I would have to agree with you, Sam. If we’re being serious. The boom after WWII was just incredible. The sense of national pride and the drive and determination to prove to the world that the United States were the best was awesome.

Samantha

Yep. Besides that – the whole Roman Empire could have been interesting.

Q.C.

The Romans were awesome—they were like Greeks on steroids.

Chris

Q–favorite time period?

Q.C.

Definitely the Renaissance, Medieval–all that stuff. The lore, art, literature is so fascinating to me

Samantha

Was it the swords?

Q.C.

Yes. It was the swords. That was a time when MEN were MEN and the women were MEN, you know?

Chris

I’m fascinated with the Medieval period

Samantha

The women had so many layers to put on, like why didn’t everyone die from heat?

Q.C.

Yeah that must have been awful. But global warming wasn’t a thing yet, so

Chris

I highly recommend checking out “Medieval History” from Monty Python’s Terry Jones on YouTube. It breaks down a lot of myths and misconceptions about Medieval times

Q.C.

That there was just copious amounts of poop everywhere? I mean, there had to be

Chris

Fun fact: Medieval peasants worked far less than today’s modern employee. They had way more holidays off, for religious reasons. Sure the actual work was harder, but they had vacations, dammit!

Q.C.

I think it’s time to bring this up, then:

Chris

Also, if you were a peasant farmer, you couldn’t work while it was winter, so you’d be busy just trying to stay alive

Q.C.

America has the least amount of vacation time in the WORLD, but that’s just a side note. That is pretty cool, though. It makes you wonder why people lived in the North, “Hey this looks like a great place to stay and freeze!”

Chris

You didn’t have much of a choice. Lots of lords and serfdom

Q.C.

What’s your favorite time period, Chris?

Chris

I’m incredibly fascinated by pre-history. But since we don’t have record of that, I’d say that whatever the Chinese were doing from like 1300-1800 was crazy. They were inventing guns, fireworks, all that

Chris

Railroads, gunpowder, ninjas. I also really like Medieval Times –the restaurant, not the period

Samantha

I just want to watch A Knight’s Tale right now

Q.C.

RIP Heath

Chris

Ok, least favorite time period! Like, which one would you not want to go back in time and visit

Samantha

Interesting question

Q.C.

Beginning of time – before affordable electricity (edited)

Samantha

I would have to probably go with the Industrial Revolution, exciting but kind of dirty

Chris

Oh! Can I express my love for early 1900’s America, too?

Q.C.

What a time for the “Rust Belt”

Chris

Like, post-WWI to pre-WW2? Prohibition probably sucked, but the outfits seem cool. And I like seeing old-timey major cities

Samantha

Before suburbs?

Chris

Not even that, just like, “This is what NYC looked like in 1919”

Q.C.

Yeah that would have been pretty cool!

Chris

And there’s one building you recognize, like the Flatiron building and there’s dirt roads

Samantha

Yeah it was the clash of two worlds

Q.C.

Can we go back to your Chinese time period thing for a second? Does the time you ended that time period correspond to the time in which they were introduced to opium?

Samantha

Guys – this review makes us seem intelligent

Chris

Probably

Samantha

Ah the days of opium dens

Q.C.

Think if they weren’t

Samantha

The darn British

Chris

They started using opium as far back as the 7th century

Q.C.

Do y’all feel like no one cares about history anymore? Like the majority of people you come across don’t know it

Chris

I blame the History Channel and their lack of showing actual historical programming in favor of wild alien theories

Samantha

But they do the drama pieces so well!

Q.C.

Hahahahaha I love those wild alien theories though. I’d say that’s about history as much as anything… if they’re right

Chris

1947 was the Roswell crash, the 1950s are Sam’s favorite time period. Coincidence? I THINK NOT

Q.C.

Sam = Lizard person CONFIRMED

Samantha

Yes, I am a Lizard Person.

Q.C.

Told ya.

Samantha

Have you ever spent an evening with a person who makes coincidences out of everything?

Q.C.

I’ve maybe shared an afternoon, but probably never spent an evening

Samantha

Like you go “oh I was just thinking I should go to the bar and get wasted” and the person goes “I was so going to do the same thing”? For everything you say – for hours…Anyways, enough about my weekend, haha

Q.C.

That sounds incredibly annoying

Chris

If you could travel back in time, what’s the one period you’d go to? Doesn’t have to be your favorite time period

Q.C.

1981-1989

Chris

Why?

Q.C.

To bask in this beautiful man’s glory:

a true american

Photo Credit: anthony-clark.com

Chris

Hahaha

Samantha

I would pick a day that is still debated today and pay attention to what actually happened

Chris

I’m with Sam, I wanna go back and see what all the fuss is about with that Jesus fella in Israel

Q.C.

Oh you know what!? I read something interesting about that today

Samantha

Well he was a Jewish man with debated skin pigmentation

Q.C.

Would you want to know if he was the son of God or not? Or just if his carpentry was so legendary, that people thought he was

Chris

I heard he could make one hell of an end table

Q.C.

Anyways, would it have mattered if he was or not?

Chris

No, I think it’d be interesting to see the actual culture of the time and see if it was as big of a deal as The Bible makes it out to be

Q.C.

Ahhhh ok

Q.C.

Yeah that would be pretty dope

Chris

Or like, was he treated the same way we’d treat someone like David Karesh or any number of people who have claimed to be the Messiah

Samantha

I want to know if he was getting it on with Mary Magdalene or if she was an old, rich lady

Chris

Mary Magdelene was a prostitute, and Jesus 100% totally got it on with her

Samantha

Hey – that is debated! Either way, she was a genius

Q.C.

I would argue he was treated differently, in the sense that I had completely forgotten about Karesh

Chris

Hahaha. Were the “miracles” even miracles, or did Jesus show up with a bunch of extra fish and bread? I wanna know that kinda stuff

Samantha

Have you ever met a hungry person who didn’t think extra fish and bread was a miracle?

Chris

I have not.

Samantha

BTW, am I supposed to know who David Karesh is?

Q.C.

Yes—he was the leader of the cult in Waco that got ransacked by the Feds. He proclaimed himself to be the Messiah.

Chris

Like, my friend Steve is a legend for showing up to a party that kicked all its alcohol with an extra 3 cases of beer. We don’t worship him though.

Q.C.

God Bless Steve

Samantha

That is a handy friend – I must meet this Steve

Chris

Is Steve the Messiah? No, he’s not. But if someone would’ve asked me to retell the story, I’d throw in that he magically produced it like David Copperfield and that we all got laid that night

Q.C.

Steve = Jesus confirmed. What if Jesus was just like an X-Man type person or something? And he really hated that everyone kept calling him the son of god and misquoting him all the time?

Chris

But I’m with Sam though, I’d like to go back and get the real story about what happened for various important dates. Because we don’t know for sure, especially on a lot of older stuff, before pictures, etc.

Q.C.

Like who shot JFK.

Chris

Yeah! Go back and hang out on the grassy knoll. See what the f*ck is up

Samantha

Would you stop it or just watch? I just want to watch – I would like to live my life so no thank you

Q.C.

I’d shoot him myself

Chris

YOU DON’T CHANGE HISTORY. Jeez, didn’t Back to the Future teach you anything

Q.C.

They’d probably still blame Oswald, right?

Chris

Oswald Cobblepot? Definitely

Samantha

But Keanu did just fine messing with history…

Chris

Well, he’s Keanu

Samantha

Sorry – I mean Keanu in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, not Matrix Keanu. very different

Chris

I thought you were talking about that adorable kitten, Keanu.

Q.C.

Oh! Well that changes everything!

Samantha

AHH –no, I never talk about cats

Chris

What other time periods do you think it’d be cool to travel to?

Samantha

Other cool places? Maybe hanging out with Native Americans when Europeans landed in America may be cool

Chris

YEAH!

Q.C.

Ummm to answer Chris’ question, probably like the Jurassic Period

Chris

I wanna hang out with the Native Americans and watch as they see the ships coming to shore and are like, “The hell is this?” Aztecs would be pretty cool to hang out with too, minus the whole use-my-head-as-a-football thing

Q.C.

What about skin walkers, though?

Chris

Skinwalkers are out of the question

Q.C.

I would want to see what really killed the dinosaurs. Because if it was that meteor, I want to see that explosion

Samantha

But that is dangerous

Q.C.

Sure it is

Samantha

I mean, really dangerous – haven’t you seen Jurassic Park?

Q.C.

I’m under the impression that they’d be much more scared of me than I of them

Chris

I’d say it’d be about equal, depending on what you ran into. Carnivore? You’re dead. Herbivore? I think you’d be okay

Q.C.

Dr. Alan Grant taught me everything I need to know, I’ll be alright

Samantha

Now it would be cool to know which dinosaurs we have yet to discover

Q.C.

Yes!

Chris

Oh man, can you imagine jumping into pre-historic waters? TERRIFYING

Chris

marine life prehistoric

Photo Credit: dinosaur-world.com

Q.C.

No thanks! I’m not f***in’ with that. Would anyone want to see Pompeii from a distance?

Samantha

I do not think I could witness millions dying

Chris

I’d see Pompeii. I’d want to go back and check out the Coliseum too

Q.C.

Yes sir!

Samantha

I would love to see live jousting. How cool would it be to be able to re-live just certain events?

Q.C.

I thought we already discussed Medieval Times

Samantha

We did but now I thought about how cool it would be to see just certain “cultural” events

Chris

That’s what I’m saying…I want time travel to happen so I can go back and check things out

Q.C.

1980 Olympic Semi-finals. USA v The Soviet Union. I want to be there

Chris

YES

Q.C.

That atmosphere must have been ridiculous

Samantha

Would you want to relive any parts of your life? I wouldn’t – I do not want to see what happened now that I know what became of it.

Chris

No. Well, maybe

Q.C.

Uhhh, maybe

Chris

Do I get to keep my future-memories?

Samantha

Yes

Chris

Oh, then 100% yes

Q.C.

If I had the chance for a mulligan, maybe

Samantha

You are who you are but you are just traveling through time, haha

Chris

Totally

Q.C.

Wouldn’t you have already influenced your life, then? And the life you’re living will always be the life you were supposed to live?

Samantha

Now this is way off topic (I mean we are already off topic) but who would you want to meet?

Q.C.

I would love to meet a young Tolkien and just listen to him talk. I’d love to be at the table when he and CS Lewis chatted at the pub

Chris

Is it weird to say Hitler? Not to kill him, or to like pal around or anything, but just to see what the dude was like on, say, a Tuesday.

Q.C.

That’s not too weird.

Samantha

Yeah – that is a good one! I want to hang with Honest Abe. I want to know how he really felt

Q.C.

The Vampire Slayer or the President?

Samantha

President, haha

Chris

Some say “Honest Abe” was about as straight as a silly straw.

Q.C.

Ohhh I want to meet Vlad the Impaler

Samantha

Why Q?

Q.C.

Just to see how insane he really was, and to see if he’s really Dracula

Samantha

Well, he did have a thing for blood so beware

Q.C.

And that whole Eastern European thing during that time was so messed up, I think it’d be fun

Chris

I’d like to see if all those kings actually looked like the paintings that got made of them

Q.C.

Yeah that’d be pretty neat

Samantha

This whole conversation is the most random thing – I love it! From Tolkien to Dracula and then king paintings

Chris

Nobody is gonna touch on that “Abraham Lincoln is gay” gem I threw down? Okay, I’ll leave this here then….

Q.C.

How dare you sully that name of Mary Todd! Wait… Todd? Damn it

Samantha

Chris – one’s sexuality does not matter to us.

Chris

I never said it mattered, I’m just saying that there is evidence that he might have been our first gay President.

Samantha

Gotcha. That Wikipedia article kind of makes it sound like every man during this time period slept with his friend.

Chris

You don’t sleep in the same bed as your homies? Whatever.

Q.C.

Yeah, Sam. Dudes sleep together all the time.

Chris

What about the Wild West era of the US?

Q.C.

If y’all have the chance, go play Red Dead Redemption for an awesome view into the Wild West

Chris

Red Dead is great! It’s Grand Theft Auto with horses

Samantha

The Wild West would be fun but I kind of like structure and law

Chris

I don’t know if it was as lawless as we might imagine it or portray it as, which brings us back to going to places to get the real story

Samantha

True, true.

Chris

Any other closing comments on time periods? Anything we didn’t mention?

Q.C.

We didn’t mention the future. I don’t know why I didn’t say that for what I’d most like to visit.

Samantha

Now about this future thing – naw. I’d rather leave some surprise

Chris

I definitely just want to jump forward to the part where we can travel to different galaxies, planets, etc.

Q.C.

United States of Space

Chris

WOOOOOOO

Samantha

We own it by the way—Space.

Q.C.

It’s actually considered international waters and follows those bylaws

Chris

Samantha

Q – we, the US of A, own space

Q.C.

You’re right. How silly of me

Samantha

Thank you!

Chris

Ok, on that note, that’ll do it! See you next time!

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