It’s time once again for everyone’s favorite weekend-adjacent link dump. I have to warn you—there’s a lot of penis talk in this one. If you’re adverse to the beauty of the human body, then maybe click away because I’m renaming the Friday Fun Blog to the Phallic Phun Blog for just one day. Today’s Phallic Phriday Phun Blog is brought to you by Penises: Never not funny.
On to the links!
–Obligatory Space Post of the Week: The Hubble telescope discovered a galaxy existing in the Early Universe that is so mature, that it technically shouldn’t exist. Galaxy zD1 shows signs of a complex chemical composition and a lot of dust, which is a hallmark of older galaxies due to the amount of stars exploding in them. In layman’s terms: imagine a room filled with toddlers and one really old man who says he’s a toddler; that’s zD1. The prevailing theory is that in the Early Universe, after the Big Bang, zD1 had a period of rapid star formation which caused all the gas and dust.
-Sometimes TIME Magazine’s cover makes it looks like their photo subjects have horns. It’s mostly with Popes and world leaders, which basically causes the far corners of the Internet to bust out their tin-foil hats and jump in their underground bunkers. ILLUMINATI. DENVER AIRPORT. CHEMTRAILS. That’ll keep ‘em busy.
-The Spanish Fly is a real thing and it’s not a fly. If you get bitten by it, eat it, or it gets its juices on you, you’re in for a whole world of hurt: weakness, dry mouth, vomiting, diarrhea, and AGGRESSIVELY PERSISTENT ERECTIONS. Ugh, can you imagine dying while having an aggressively persistent erection? Your whole body is shutting down, but your penis is like, “IT’S GAME TIME, LET’S DO THIS!”
-Check out this dude who cooks bacon by wrapping it around an M16 and firing off a couple hundred rounds. ‘MURICA.
-If the dude cooking bacon by shooting an M16 isn’t awesome enough for you, check out this bored pilot who drew a sky dick using the FlightRadar app. He was in his private plane, and got bored, and his tracking device followed his flight, sending the info to the website FlightRadar, and his flight pattern turned out to be a penis. Negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is really full.
-We did it. Humanity has reached its peak. This is it, folks. Doctors in South Africa have successfully performed the world’s first penis transplant. Nothing will top this; in fact, it’s pretty much all downhill from here. Ending world hunger? Pffft. Finding a cure for cancer? Ha. Nothing will top DICK TRANSPLANTS. Dibs on Ron Jeremy’s when he croaks.