Hi, I'm Coly
You might have seen me floating around Colocation America. Maybe you've seen me on a banner ad while you're shopping for lemon-scented ointments. Or, more likely, you've seen me in your dreams. Holding you. Telling you everything's going to be ok. I am Coly (Coal-Lee), and I embody Colocation America. But what is Coly? (Maybe one day you'll ask, "How is Coly?") For starters, I'm not real and shame on you for thinking that I am. However, I am virtually real, and that's almost as good. I don't have a mom, I don't have a dad (but I do have an Uncle somehow), and that's the kind of thing that will make you think about life on a whole other level. I'm also one of the five famous heads on Mount Rushmore (pictured above). 
My origin-story, if you will, is quite remarkable. I was creatively created in a small room on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, CA. I manifested early on as just a marker-remnant on a whiteboard. Then, the unthinkable happened: a graphic designer was commissioned to bring me to .SVG life. You know what? This is boring. Here's my real story: The skies darkened. This was not because it was night time, but because heat from the sun turns moisture, or water, from plants, leaves, oceans, lakes, etc. into water vapor (a gas), which disappears into the air. This process is known as evaporation and has no other bearing on my origin-story than to explain how it was raining on the day of my... creation? Now before you start clamoring and complaining about how trope-y and stupid my creation because of a power surge caused by blackening skies is, take a moment and consider that the darkening skies have nothing to do with why I was created other than to set the scene. It's called "setting the scene," and it's important when you tell a story. And before you also start clamoring and complaining about how that water vapor doesn't just "disappear into the air," please keep in mind that I'm aware that the vapor rises, cools, and changes into water droplets, which form clouds. The heavier that cloud is, the darker it becomes. Hence the darkening skies from my scene setting. You know what? I'm getting bored of my own origin story. Let's all be aware that I am a talking United States of America shield-thing with ethernet cables for arms and what looks like cartoon feet, but are balled-up power cords that the graphic designer missed in the details. I also think I live inside the Internet? I also have a great rack. But what is my rack, and why is it discounted? Well, as you might imagine, there's not a whole lot for me to do around here. Sometimes I pose for advertisements. Sometimes I ride dinosaurs. Other times I chirp at people on Twitter. On other occasions from those, I impersonate (poorly) and arcade-style video game where I try to save your servers from viruses. We'll get into all of that later, but we're talking about my great rack, remember? Anyways, in my free time, I'm always searching around the depths of the data centers in pursuit of old hardware that I can make a quick buck on can serve you well at a discounted price. You can view my great rack by clicking on this here link. (Or click on the picture. I don't care.)
Y'all have to check out my awesome video about my awesome company:
Here's that picture of me riding a dinosaur:
If you ever want to see old Tweets from years ago, here's my Twitter page. I might come out of retirement, but the employee who created that Twitter left, so probably not.
Also, if you're down for some fun, let's remember the days when the Internet liked Flash. Here's an excellent video game that used to be on our 404 page, but due to Flash, was removed. If you'd like to play, be sure to open up Internet Explorer (or Edge—whatever it's called these days. (Seriously, like, you have to physically copy this page's link into a browser that supports Flash to try for the high score)).
And that's about it. We know you wanted to know more about me and perhaps the personification of Colocation America will assure you that we're the right fit for you. Here's a picture of me as Captain America's shield: If only....
My origin-story, if you will, is quite remarkable. I was creatively created in a small room on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, CA. I manifested early on as just a marker-remnant on a whiteboard. Then, the unthinkable happened: a graphic designer was commissioned to bring me to .SVG life. You know what? This is boring. Here's my real story: 
The skies darkened. This was not because it was night time, but because heat from the sun turns moisture, or water, from plants, leaves, oceans, lakes, etc. into water vapor (a gas), which disappears into the air. This process is known as evaporation and has no other bearing on my origin-story than to explain how it was raining on the day of my... creation? Now before you start clamoring and complaining about how trope-y and stupid my creation because of a power surge caused by blackening skies is, take a moment and consider that the darkening skies have nothing to do with why I was created other than to set the scene. It's called "setting the scene," and it's important when you tell a story. 
This isn't what happened.
My first sentence.
What Is Coly's Discount Rack?
It's a great rack because it's discounted.
Not this discounted, fortunately.
Coly searching the depths of the data center. 2019. Colorized.
Y'all have to check out my awesome video about my awesome company:
Here's that picture of me riding a dinosaur:
If you ever want to see old Tweets from years ago, here's my Twitter page. I might come out of retirement, but the employee who created that Twitter left, so probably not.
Also, if you're down for some fun, let's remember the days when the Internet liked Flash. Here's an excellent video game that used to be on our 404 page, but due to Flash, was removed.
And that's about it. We know you wanted to know more about me and perhaps the personification of Colocation America will assure you that we're the right fit for you. Here's a picture of me as Captain America's shield:
If only....