Colocation America Reviews: Conspiracy Theories
December 18, 2015
Innovator of the Week: Sir Tim Berners-Lee
January 6, 2016
We get a little crazy when we group-Skype, so we thought, “Hey, let’s capture these great moments and put them on the web for four or five people to glance at and then leave.” But then, we had an even better idea: let’s review things. Thus, the first installment of Colocation America Reviews was born. Check back each Friday for more things you don’t care about that we review with authority.
Chris L: It’s time, once again, for Colocation America Reviews! This week, we take a look at the year 2001!
Samantha: Let’s do this!
Q.C.: Did you guys like it?
Samantha: like what?
Q.C.: 2001.
Chris L: It wasn’t quite the space odyssey I was promised, but it wasn’t bad
Q.C.: You see, what I thought was that Kubrick’s spaceships are perhaps little more than Airfix models, but he makes them majestic, even awesome in the proper sense of the word. But Kubrick leaves usual considerations behind with his readiness to imagine a post-human future. We’re talking about 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, right?
Chris L: Not really.
Samantha: Can we all start by aging ourselves?
Q.C.: Sure.
Samantha: In 2001, I was 12 and at my prime, clearly
Q.C.: I was 13 years old, so I don’t remember it at all, but I’ll try and contribute
Chris L: I was 15 or 16?
Samantha: I don’t know about the Space Odyssey but I do know about such gems as Shrek and Monsters Inc that came out in 2001.
Chris L: Wait, should we talk about the elephant in the room first?
Q.C.: Sure
Samantha: Is it pink?
Chris L: Ummm….no. I’m talking about 9/11. I feel like we can’t be silly until we get this out of the way
Samantha: Yep, but that does help me figure out how old I was. I remember going into my 7th grade science class and talking about it
Chris L: I was a sophomore in HS, it was Biscuit’s and Gravy day at lunch, which I remember because B&G was THE BEST lunch and it turned into the WORST day.
Samantha: I was on the West Coast, unlike you peeps, so my day was just starting when everything went down
Chris L: Sam, what was it like on the West Coast as everything was happening? Because I remember the feeling on my end was that sh*t was going down.
Q.C.: How close were you to Somerset, Chris?
Chris L: I was an hour or so from Somerset, but I remember Flight 93 flew over my high school.
Samantha: First to Chris’ question – it was a lot of fear actually because I was in LA and people were like, “If it happened there, it can happen here”.
Q.C.: https://web.archive.org/web/20010912003713/http://www.cnn.com/ This is crazy. That’s from Sept. 12th
Samantha: wow
Chris L: that’s insane
Samantha: I didn’t realize the whole US just stopped…
Chris L: I think we were too young to realize it. It really did all just stop.
Samantha: PS – can I go back to my 7th grade science class for a second? Let’s get real LA on this – my 7th grade science project was used in a movie
Q.C.: What movie was your class in?
Samantha: Thirteen with Rachel Evan Woods and the chick who wrote it Nikki Reed. But that came out in 2003 apparently so off topic
Q.C.: STAY ON TOPIC. But that’s awesome-were you in it?
Samantha: Nope – just my science project. 2 years earlier I was in a Nike commercial though
Chris L: Is your science project SAG eligible?
Q.C.: Hahahah wow! Was it a commercial with MJ?
Samantha: with Mia Hamm actually, gosh, haha
Q.C.: Gotta get them commission checks
Samantha: I was fake laughing, really tough job
Chris L: I imagine Mia Hamm isn’t that funny
Q.C.: oh god. Is there YouTube evidence of this?
Samantha: nope!
Chris L: I bet there is
Q.C.: She’s no Jon Hamm
Samantha: it was for the 1999 Women’s World Cup
Q.C.: If Jon Hamm and Mia Hamm were to have a child, would its last name be Hammmm?
Samantha: I hope so
Chris L: Absolutely it would be
Q.C.: Cause I feel like both Jon’s and Mia’s parent’s last name was Ham and they added a second m to merge the Ham families
Samantha: So every Hamm that gets together adds more M’s. Like M&Ms?
Q.C.: And now, if that happens again you have to add more m’s exponentially. So if their child were to marry another Hammmm, it would be Hammmmmmmm, in accordance with the Ham vs The State of Missouri ruling, 1943
Samantha: Are you sure it wasn’t vs The State of Mississippi? They seem to like adding in lots of the same letter…
Q.C.: Is this still about 2001, or should we switch it to CLA Reviews: Ham
Chris L: That’s next week. The week after is ‘CLA Reviews: Crab Dip’.
Samantha: Can we please discuss the awesome movies that came out in 2001? I have been waiting a life time for this
Q.C.: Alright.
Samantha: Guys – both the first movie of Harry Potter AND The Lord of the Rings came out in 2001!
Q.C.: Which was better?
Samantha: Harry Potter – duh
Q.C.: Sorcerer’s Stone was better than Fellowship of the Ring?
Chris L: Lord of the Rings, bruh. Hands down.
Q.C.: Just straight cinema, LOTR ran laps around HP
Chris L: I don’t wanna see some whiny wizard when there’s orcs and swords and stuff: Magic eyes, powerful rings…
Q.C.: Big feet
Chris L: Ridiculously disproportionate feet. You get it.
Samantha: 11 year old’s with magic powers anyone?
Chris L: Harry Potter is one step above David Copperfield
Q.C.: Barely a step
Chris L: Glorified magician, that Potter fella
Q.C.: A step is pushing it, have you seen what that guy can do!? I wonder what Copperfield was doing in 2000…
Samantha: Come on – Voldemort was not even his own being, but that little Hobbit couldn’t even protect himself and he was, what, like 70 years old?
Q.C.: He was 50 when the journey started, but he was like 35 when Bilbo left, though. It took Gandalf a while to get back to him
Chris L: I feel like they really should’ve told us that Frodo was 35. I was under the assumption he was a child
Q.C.: He was 50 at the end of it. Probably older than that
Chris L: Is that a child in Hobbit time?
Q.C.: Eh, not really
Samantha: exactly to my point – the 11 year old would kick his butt
Q.C.: HP would crumble to Frodo and The Ring
Chris L: Nobody is messing with White Gandalf though
Q.C.: Gandalf the White*
Chris L: WHITE GANDALF. That came out sounding really racist.
Q.C.: Also, Frodo (grown adult, if rather small) would physically beat up 11-year-old frail HP if the ring and the wand were taken away
Samantha: I mean, that 11 year old did defeat the most powerful wizard just by wanting something for good not evil…
Q.C.: With a wand
Samantha: …and love
Q.C.: Frodo resisted one of the most power beings that ever lived hanging around his neck
Chris L: Love is wack! Give me magical rings and swords!
Q.C.: Also, Sam vs Ron: who was the better sidekick?
Chris L: Sam!
Q.C.: Sam for sure
Samantha: ahh – but you did not include Hermione.
Q.C.: Sam & Aragorn vs Ron & Hermione: Who’s the better sidekick?
Samantha: wow there
Q.C.: Let’s even the playing field here: Gandalf vs Dumbledore
Samantha: um – this is rough. I would have to go with Gandalf in a fight, sadly. Gandalf is nowhere near as selfish as Dumbledore so I would think he would win
Q.C.: because of Glamdring (his sword), right? Dumbledore doesn’t have a sword. I feel like that’s an advantage.
Samantha: Dumbledore has his mind–all you need in HP is a sound mind and love
Q.C.: Gandalf is like 9000 years old. Wisdom overload
Chris L: I only have knowledge of LoTR, so I’m just gonna side with them the whole time
Q.C.: Also, Gandalf is tantamount to a demigod, so I guess the playing field wasn’t leveled enough
Samantha: ok fine – but the real movie battle should be Moulin Rouge vs Wet Hot American Summer
Q.C.: Let’s rank our top 5 movies from 2001
Samantha: (PS I cheated – I just looked here: http://www.imdb.com/year/2001/) So here are the top 5 I watch in order of how much I have watched them: Harry Potter, A Knight’s Tale, Princess Diaries, Legally Blonde, and, I think, Zoolander
Q.C.: 1) LOTR: FOTK 2) Enemy at the Gates 3) A Knight’s Tale 4) Monster’s Inc 5) Rock Star
Samantha: But then again, I have seen Moulin Rouge, Wet Hot American Summer, Spy Kids, and Joe Dirt a lot too
Samantha: no HP up there? who are you?!
Q.C.: lol, I didn’t really care for the first HP
Chris L: Super Troopers, LoTR, Training Day, Shrek, Ocean’s Eleven. No particular order.
Q.C.: Honorable mentions: Not Another Teen Movie, Harry Potter, Princess Diaries, & Shrek
Q.C.: Oh Super Troopers, too. Ocean’s Eleven–Holy Jesus what a year for movies
Chris L: Rat Race is also extremely underrated for a remake
Q.C.: Rat Race was amazing, but It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World was equally as good.
Chris L: Rush Hour 2?!
Samantha: oh no – I may have to change my order! Rat Race had Smash Mouth in it
Q.C.: That Jon Lovitz scene where he bit his tongue, had Eva Braun’s lipstick on his upper lip was hilarious. Just classic
Samantha: don’t trust the person with squirrels
Q.C.: You
Q.C.: Should
Q.C.: Have
Q.C.: Bought
Q.C.: A
Q.C.: Squirrel
Chris L: When Seth Green has to climb that tower while the Jeep is being towed up? I lose it every time. There were a lot of underrated comedies in 2001
Samantha: yeah!
Q.C.: I love Not Another Teen Movie
Chris L: Corky Romano?! When he gets all hopped up on coke and tries to interview everyone?
Samantha: Agreed. Ok, I just need to spend 2016 watching all 2001 movies
Q.C.: What a year. I’m going to compare it to 2002–There’s no way 2002 could be better.
Samantha: Do it!
Q.C.: I think we may underestimate how many movies come out in a year hahaha
Chris L: We really do
Q.C.: Ok–I’m giving the edge to 2001, just because the 2nd most popular movie in 2002, according to IMDB, was The Santa Clause 2
Samantha: not going to lie – I own all The Santa Clause movies. Tim Allen for the win
Q.C.: Top 5 for 2002–Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones, The Santa Clause 2, City of God, Irreversible, Spider-Man. Weak. Very weak
Samantha: Yeah, so weak
Chris L: But Spider-Man was so good and mind blowing it might make up for the rest of the horrible sh*t that 2002 released
Q.C.: That’s very true. A strong push for 2002
Samantha: so old Spider-Man is better than the new-ish one that came out?
Q.C.: Catch Me If You Can was 2002, as well. That’s a Leo and Hanks explosion–that kind of pedigree is hard to find in movies
Samantha: You should do the same comparison for music – it’s funny
Q.C.: oh god
Samantha: Remember Lifehouse? Apparently they had the #1 song of 2001
Q.C.: I do, unfortunately… that ‘Hanging by a Moment’ song was a banger
Chris L: Let’s talk about this….2001 was the year they introduced the iPod! The first iPod came out in October of 2001
Samantha: I had one of those! I didn’t even know what it was. My mom got it for me for Christmas–it had 4 buttons
Q.C.: hahahaha I wonder if Apple knew what they just made. Did they think it would take off like that?
Chris L: Probably?
Samantha: guys – I couldnt even use my first one. I had to buy a converter because Apple didnt like PC
Q.C.: hahahaha that’s hilarious
Chris L: They got a bit lucky because it was just at the introduction of people downloading music en masse with LimeWire and Napster and Kazaa
Q.C.: Very true. Do you think PC manufacturers and Microsoft teamed up with Metallica to try and stop it all?
Samantha: Never underestimate the power of Lars Ulrich. Ok favorite song of 2001?
Chris L: Can I give a few?
Samantha: Sure.
Chris L: “Butterfly” by Crazy Town, “Fallin'” by Alicia Keys, “Izzo” by Jay Z, “Ride Wit Me” by Nelly, “Gone” by NSync, and whatever Eminem put out.
Q.C.: Probably “I’m Like a Bird” by Nelly Furtado.
Samantha: Ah – before Nelly Furtado became all about getting it on
Samantha: So ‘It Wasn’t Me’ by Shaggy came out in 2001. Guess what radio station was playing this song? The answer is… Radio Disney.
Chris L: That song is totally relevant to their core audience. “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy was great just because that defense is so good: “Nope that wasn’t me banging that girl on the floor of our bathroom. Just a guy that happens to look like exactly me and have a key to our house.”
Q.C.: Hhahahaha so believable
Samantha: Yeah, it taught an entire generation how to get away with cheating. Step 1 – do not give her/him a key.
Q.C.: And Outkast taught us how to properly clean ourselves (“So Fresh, So Clean”).
Samantha: I looked up trends that started in 2001 and what I found was “fashion trends” on Wikipedia.
Chris L: DOUBLE POPPED COLLARS ALL DAY
Samantha: which led me to discover there is a “Post 9/11 Casual Clothing” thingy
Chris L: Two polo shirts, one person
Q.C.: That sounds like a mutant.
Samantha: apparently distressed denim was on the rise too
Q.C.: The start of the aughts was fantastic
Samantha: guys, I feel like I am failing here but what is a “cowl-neck top”
Chris L: A flowy turtleneck
Q.C.: A shirt that looks like you’re wearing a scarf
Samantha: did you both just Google it?
Q.C.: Yeah.
Chris L: Yeah.
Samantha: cheating!
Chris L: How? You wanted to know! Google that sh*t, yo
Q.C.: Here’s what Google looked like in 2001 it told you how many web pages it could surf https://web.archive.org/web/20010118214400/http://www.google.com/
Samantha: Yeah, they definitely couldn’t do that anymore, haha. Speaking of Google – my personalized results are going to come up with 2001 for the rest of my life
Q.C.: https://web.archive.org/web/20010119001600/http://www.nfl.com/index3.html Super Bowl 2001, the lead up to Ravens vs Giants-one of the worst Super Bowls of all time. The elite QB matchup of Trent Dilfer vs. Kerry Collins.
Chris L: Sorry, I fell asleep after you said ‘Trent Dilfer’. He’s such a boring QB his name puts me to sleep.
Samantha: why was it the worst Super Bowl?
Q.C.: It was a complete and utter dismantling. The Ravens defense was one of the best ever and it wasn’t fair. I was so bored and I was 10!
Q.C.: https://web.archive.org/web/20010104013300/http://www.aol.com/
Q.C.: LOLOLOL. We all remember this!?
Samantha: dude – I just searched that! I was just about to send the link. Dial up – it was a thing
Q.C.: hahahahah! That’s crazy. That page used to take a while to load, too hahaha. Also, do you really think the wayback machine has received $1,000,000 in donations? Seems… not right
Samantha: really?
Chris L: I mean, $1,000,000 isn’t THAT much.
Q.C.: Good point.
Chris L: Can we talk about a moment in 2001 that forever changed MY life?
Samantha: Sure
Q.C.: what’s that?
Chris L: On March 23rd, 2001, the World Wrestling Federation purchased their rival World Championship Wrestling, forever altering the landscape of professional wrestling
Samantha: was 2001 the year you also learned that wrestling is not real?
Q.C.: I feel like it was both of those moments. How did it alter the landscape of pro wrasslin’?
Chris L: C’mon Sam, I knew it was fake faaaar before that. This WWF Owner Vince McMahon showing up on the very last episode of WCW Monday Nitro
Samantha: ah — look at the quality of this video, haha
Chris L: I’m trying to think of an analogy–it’d be like Coke buying Pepsi and then showing up on their commercials.
Q.C.: Oh ok, that makes sense.
Chris L: WCW was the “#2” promotion for a long time, and was actually beating the WWF in ratings for 86 weeks from 1996 to early 1998, sparking what is known as the Monday Night Wrestling Wars. Over the next few years, WCW got SUPER sh*tty, and the WWF got REALLY good, and eventually WWF bought them out for around $7 million after Time Warner merged with AOL. There’s a lot more that went into it, but that was the TL;DR
Q.C.: I’m sure this had a huge impact on your life.
Chris L: THIS WAS MY 9/11
Samantha: Fair enough.
Chris L: And this is where the conversation comes to a dead halt. That’s it, folks! See you next week!
