Colocation America Reviews: Toys

03.18.16
Colocation American Staff

Chris     

Awwwwwww, yeah! We back again! Welcome to CLA Reviews: Toys!

Q.C.     

My favorite toy: **VERY NSFW**

Chris     

Drilldo?

Samantha     

That is concerning….

Q.C.     

If you watch the Naked Gun movies, it’ll all become clear.

Chris     

Plus, you get to watch OJ!

Samantha     

But hold up—is that really your favorite toy? No judgment.

Q.C.     

I’m not going to say it’s not—but, no.

Chris     

Private lives are private for a reason, Sam!

Q.C.     

What I do with a gas-powered sex toy in my free time is between me and that gas-powered sex toy!

Samantha     

Oh well then I won’t tell you about how I play with my favorite toy! A slinky….

Chris     

If he wants to hook up a rubber penis to a solid 3/8″ Black & Decker drill, then that’s his—and his partners genitals—business.

Samantha     

Ouch.

Q.C.     

I only use Black & Decker for a reason.

Chris     

Bob Vila said so.

Photo Caption: richestcelebrities.org

Photo Caption: richestcelebrities.org

Samantha     

At least you buy quality.

Q.C.     

Rrrrrrright…quality—that’s totally what I meant….Anyways, TOYS!

Chris     

TOYS!

Q.C.   

What’s was your favorite toy growing up?

Chris   

It’s LEGOs for everyone, right? Review over?

Photo Credit: wikipedia.org

Photo Credit: wikipedia.org

Samantha     

Duh! I also dug Hot Wheels.

Chris     

Can anything compare to LEGO? Lincoln Logs were pretty dope too.

Samantha     

But LEGO has endless possibilities.

Q.C.     

I had this open-slide truck that I used put under my chest and propel along the floor with my legs—that was pretty awesome. But LEGO is/was/will be king of all toys.

Samantha     

I had an awesome spaceship LEGO set.

Chris     

My brother and I would spend hours creating small towns made of LEGO, and then we would have GI Joe fights in them. It was pretty epic.

Q.C.     

Also 10/10 rating for the pain of stepping on one.

Chris     

Amazing toy, amazing pain.

Q.C.     

Did your parents ever try giving you mega blocks? I was so upset. THEY’RE NOT THE SAME!

Chris     

Nah, we weren’t trash.

Samantha     

Nope! I’m from LA—brands matter.

Q.C.     

That’s fair. Guess a single mom trying to do right by her kids is frowned upon. Jerks.

Samantha     

Only in LA

Q.C.     

And by frowned upon, I mean frowned upon by me because she should know better.

Samantha     

But I’m be honest – life was all about my Game Boy(s).

Q.C.     

Oh hell yeah!

Chris     

Oh man, the Game Boy was so incredible.

Samantha     

Favorite original Game Boy game?

Q.C.

Pokemon, of course.

Chris

Tetris. No other game stands a chance.

Q.C.     

I left my Game Boy outside once and my dad ran it over with the lawnmower. Still worked.

Chris     

Those Game Boys are indestructible!

Samantha     

That’s amazing! That new 3DS can’t do that. You guys remember Paperboy? It was impossible!

Q.C.     

I totally forgot about Paperboy. Yesterday’s Dark Souls.

Samantha     

But I have to go with Super Mario Bros.

Q.C.     

A classic, for sure. Speaking of Pokemon and toys, my dad got me 3 packs of Pokemon cards for Christmas one year and two of them had a holographic Charizard in them. He acted like he knew that and was all proud of himself. It was pretty funny.

Photo Credit: youtube.com

Photo Credit: youtube.com

Samantha     

No joke—I still have my Pokemon cards.

Q.C.     

Hahaha me too! And Yu-Gi-Oh. Good times, good times….

Chris     

Woah, you guys played Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh? NERDS!

Q.C.     

Sure did.

Samantha     

Wow wow wow no, collected. I am a collector. I also have Beanie Babies.

Q.C.     

Oh I have a s–t ton of them too. Biggest scam ever.

Chris     

I think I was in that weird age range where it was understood if you were big into Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh, but otherwise nobody played it.

Q.C.     

You mean “old.”

Chris     

Yeah, that.

Samantha     

What about Magic?

Chris     

Nope

Q.C.     

Oh, don’t even get me started….

Samantha     

Magic is/was pretty awesome though.

Chris     

I never got on the RPG card-game thing. Too much sitting around for me.

Q.C.     

Sitting around is something I’m awfully good at—probably because I was surrounded by cattle and had little else to do other than occupy my mind.

Chris     

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good lazy sesh, but I couldn’t get behind all the wizard-y magic-y stuff.

Samantha     

Now do we consider the “computer” a toy?

Q.C.     

That’s because you have a -2 drive skill

Chris     

Also, I’ve never played it, so maybe I’m afraid I’d really love it

Q.C.     

Hahahaha it’s definitely more complex than it seems. It’s also a money sink—all that mowing money went towards that. And I still wasn’t as good as Anthony DeGol and his moneybag parents!

Samantha     

Bitter much?

Q.C.     

Very. His parents funded him. The way I phrased that it sounds like they played. They didn’t.

Chris     

Wait…is Anthony DeGol a famous Magic player or just a kid you knew?

Q.C.     

He’s some kid I knew. His family owned a bunch of businesses in town and were very wealthy. He had all the good cards. He’s like a semi-pro golfer now, so I guess he got the last laugh.

Samantha     

Is he single?!

Chris     

No, Sam, he’s a semi-pro golfer…he’s swimming in women. Beating them away with his sand wedge.

Q.C.     

http://www.gopsusports.com/sports/m-golf/mtt/degol_anthony00.html

Chris     

Shout out to Anthony DeGol!

Samantha     

All I want is a hole in one….

Chris     

Woah, Sam…slow it down.

Samantha     

Wow—I am talking about using a stick and a ball.

Q.C.     

Hhahahahahahah. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

Samantha     

Hey—growing up, golf is still one of my favorite past times. And, yet, still no hole in one.

Chris     

One day you’ll find the right, um…club

Q.C.     

I also went to school with the Pennsylvania state golf champ, Sean BrannanShout out to all my golf friends!

Chris     

Shout out to Tiger Woods as well. Still the greatest.

Q.C.     

I went to high school with him as well, funny enough. He was not very good at Magic the Gathering, though.

Chris     

Oh wow, your HS was a golf hub.

Q.C.     

It was an internal conflict for him though, being half-black, half-Asian. Magic called to him, but he had sports stuff to do too.

Chris     

I blame his dad.

Q.C.     

He also banged every single girl at the school too, including the lunch ladies. Guy was a pimp from the start. Funny enough, my school’s mascot is a Tiger, which is where he got his famous nickname.

Samantha     

Oh then I don’t want to share his clubs….

Chris     

Back to toys! Did you guys ever succumb to the “hot new holiday craze?”

Q.C.     

Pogs.

Samantha     

Yo-yo.

Q.C.     

Gigapets.

Samantha     

Pogs are awesome!

Chris     

I fell to the Karate Fighters craze.

 Chris

Here’s another  

Samantha     

I don’t know those.

Chris     

As a 10 year old at the time…HOLY SHIT THOSE WERE AWESOME. I spent hours playing with those.

Samantha     

What did they do exactly?

Chris     

They twisted and turned and “fought”. It was like a karate version of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, another very good toy.

Samantha     

Oh ok, totally cool then. Do you play with toys today??

Chris     

I would play with LEGOs in a heartbeat. Regular toys, no—unless I’m hanging with my niece and then all bets are off. I will 100% do whatever that sweet little girl says.

Samantha     

Go in my office and play with the toys in there—enjoy your younger years again.

Chris     

Yeah, that slinky is a tough one to put down.

Samantha     

I have a slinky, magic 8 ball, a bounce ball and more! I love slinkiess. Wait—can slinky be plural?

Chris     

Yeah, Slinkies.

Q.C.     

Guys, guess what?

Chris     

What?

Q.C.     

Slinkys are from my hometown.

Chris     

Did they play golf for your high school?

Q.C.     

Hahahaha nope.

Samantha     

I clearly should move to your home town.

Q.C.     

CLA Reviews Hollidaysburg, PA next week. There’s a place called Slinky Action Zone there too $5 laser tag.

Chris     

Is the whole building made of Slinky?

Q.C.     

The outside looks like this:

Photo Credit: slinkyactionzone.net

Photo Credit: slinkyactionzone.net (linked above)

Chris     

If I was under 10 years old, I would definitely have my birthday party there.

Samantha     

The new home of Samantha.

Chris     

Sam, I have to warn you, besides the Slinky Action Zone and two semi-decent golfers, there’s not much else to do in Hollidaysburg.

Q.C.     

I had a party there once, but it got too out of hand, too much soda. There’s Meadows frozen custard, which is pretty good. But yeah. Other than that, avoid that place.

Chris     

Sam, maybe you can go by the Sock Hop on Friday nights. Ask a nice boy out to the Sadie Hawkins dance. And you can share a root beer float at Meadows Frozen Custard.

Q.C.     

Also Chimney Rocks from the Oregon Trail is from Hollidaysburg too.

Chris     

So historic. Did it play golf for your high school too?

Q.C.     

So, basically, that’s abouuuuuuut it. Fun Fact: Hollidaysburg is where lives can be ruined too. Come visit!

Samantha     

But it has “holiday” in the name….

Chris     

Speaking of Oregon Trail—favorite computer game?

Q.C.     

Old school?

Chris     

Any?

Q.C.     

Like from pre-2005?

Chris

Any.

Samantha     

When I was a “kid”? Honestly, Sims.

Q.C.     

Ohh damn.

Chris     

Games count as toys.

Samantha     

I was all about Sims Online. Wow—I swear this chat is going to ruin my love life.

Chris     

It’s cool, you’re afraid of love anyways.

Samantha     

(Shameless plug for last weeks review here). True—I also loved playing Oregon Trail.

Chris     

My favorite computer game is… Odell Lake

Samantha     

Never heard of it! You get to be the fish?

Chris     

Yep, any fish. You’re a fish in Odell Lake, Oregon, and you have to eat other fish, avoid otters, and avoid being caught by fishermen.

Q.C.     

It’s quite possibly the most strategic game of its time.

Samantha     

Like salmon or catfish?

Q.C.     

Just play it. You’ll be instantly hooked.

Chris     

Yeah, just play it.

Q.C.     

You’ll probably move to Oregon.

Chris     

What did you guys think of Tickle Me Elmo?

Q.C.     

I don’t have an opinion. I tried to think of something witty. But I’ve got nothing—he’s maybe a little creepy? Not as creepy as a Furby, though.

Samantha     

Definitely not as bad as Furbies.

Q.C.     

Which, as well all know, were just governmental spy drones, collecting our voices

Chris     

Furbies never blinked, and that’s what got me. It was the dead eyes. Oh, what about Tamogatchi?

Q.C.     

I had a dinosaur one.

Samantha     

Love Tamogatchi! I mean I think I killed them all the time.

Q.C.     

Oh! And a Yoda one.

Chris     

Mine never hatched, I don’t think. I killed it almost immediately.

Samantha     

I was all about the dinosaurs.

Chris     

What I’m trying to say is that I probably shouldn’t be a parent if I can’t keep a Tamogatchi alive.

Q.C.     

That should be the test. At the first gynecological examination, they should make both parents try and keep a Tamogatchi alive.

Chris     

Sam, did you play with Barbies at all?

Samantha     

Ummm, no but I was the Barbie to my sister and her friends. I played sports and video games.

Chris     

I had a massive amount of GI Joe’s, and wrestling action figures.

Q.C.     

DBZ action figures here. Goku was my first man-crush.

Samantha     

I didn’t even own jeans, I had the snap-off pants.

Q.C.     

I’m man enough to admit that.

Chris     

I also collected WWF wrestling figures. I had all of these:

Photo Credit: pinterest.com

Photo Credit: pinterest.com

Chris     

And these: 

Chris     

These ones too:

Photo Credit: googglet.com

Photo Credit: googglet.com

Samantha     

Look at Hulk Hogan in that front row.

Chris     

These too:   

Photo Credit: pinterest.com

Photo Credit: pinterest.com

I did not play around when it came to collecting action figures.

Samantha     

Have you seen GI Joes now? Their muscles are like 10x bigger now.

Chris     

Yeah, they’re weird. Those little ones were the best; we would take yarn or string and set it up from the top of our stairs to the bottom and have them swing down. They were so light.

Q.C.     

Hahaha you played with dolls while I was playing with pictures of monsters on cards.

Chris

Damn right.

Samantha     

Did you blow them up like the kid in Toy Story did?

Chris     

Nah, but I would color my wrestlers red with crayon when they would “bleed.”

Q.C.

‘Course ya did. That’s the American way!

Chris     

IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT!

Q.C.     

Anyways, I give toys a 10/10. They’re great

Samantha     

Wait—am I the only one that spent their weekends traveling with sports?

Q.C.     

Yes.

Chris     

Yep.

Q.C.     

I spent my weekends building sheds and roofing shingles, mowing grass, painting fences.

Samantha

Are you Huckleberry Finn?

Chris     

Fun fact: my first practice on the first day of tee-ball, I walked off the field and told my mom I wanted to go home and play toys; right in the middle of practice.

Q.C.     

Hahahahahaha!

Chris     

I was in center field, just walked right out.

Samantha     

So Q did labor, Chris played with dolls, and I played sports….

Q.C.     

Right. “Labor….”

Samantha     

And they say toys define gender roles….

Chris     

ACTION FIGURES. I mean, I eventually went back and played sports, but I was much more content with my imagination.

Samantha     

I guess I played more with balls then anything else growing up.

Q.C.     

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Samantha     

Don’t worry, they were all different sizes.

Chris     

That should be looked at by a doctor. 10/10 for TOYS! We love them!     

That’s it for this week! Thanks for reading and we’ll see you again next time!

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